Life is like an avocado.
Itโs pear-shaped, and, at the centre of things, thereโs a huge vacuum.
Now that Iโve got my existential angst out of the way, I can talk more positively about this fruit, which must be the totem of the whole vegan/vegetarian movement, not to mention every hipsterโs favourite.
Probably every cafe in the Bruntsfield postcode will serve it mushed on sourdough.We like it even more than we did in the Seventies, when it was stuffed with prawns Marie Rose, baked, or (my favourite), served with a reservoir of Worcestershire sauce in the pit.
You might imagine that this new vegan eatery will be serving endless portions of the iconic pear but, no, theyโre more imaginative than that.
At our perch opposite a mural of a zen-looking woman, and underneath an overhang of house plants, we sampled their fromage-less take on mac and cheese (ยฃ6.95).
This small bowlful was blanketed in a smooth yellow cashew and cauliflower purรฉe, which they called โcheeze sauceโ, and mixed with pasta, chickpeas, a few shreds of spinach, a flaky oat topping and chevrons of a dragonโs blood sweet โbbq beets sauceโ.
Odd at firzt, then nize enough.
The set of three cauliflower wings (ยฃ6.50) or tempura florets, served with a mildly hot sauce, werenโt bad either. The rust coloured batter, with a porous texture like pumice stone, was a little bland, but crispy.
We also liked the line up of five scallops (ยฃ6.95) โ aka slightly chewy and bouncy king oyster mushroom stumps that resembled the eponymous seafood stubs, interspersed with baba ganoush and sprigs of bright yellow and turmeric-y pickled cauliflower.
I wouldnโt say the three were natural partners, though pleasant enough individually. Iโve had a similar dish at Leithโs vegan eatery Harmonium, and it worked better.
For mains, you can navigate their selection of Bowls, Burgers or Sides.
I went for the ceviche salad bowl (ยฃ11). This didnโt go well, as thereโs a special place in purgatory for those who decide to machete their way through a granite hard avocado and serve it up anyway, as if the customer has been living under a bush and wonโt notice.
The Avocado Goddess (who, incidentally, shops for guacamole at Lupe Pintos, just down the road) was angry and, thus, rejected all the following peace offerings.
These included a guinea pigโs breakfast worth of salad leaves, as well as cherry tomatoes, coriander, samphire, bits of grapefruit and lemon and dill plastered tofu blocks. I tried to chew my way through as much as possible, but it was a bit like eating whatever has been randomly left in the bottom drawer of a strangerโs fridge.
Our other bowl โ Middle East (ยฃ11) โ was only marginally better, since the falafel were as dry as desiccated owl pellets. These were served alongside some tabbouleh, another tablespoon of baba ganoush and cucumber slices anointed with a mint yogurt dressing, all propped up by baby gem leaves.
There was some redemption in the aloo tikki burger (ยฃ8). It was comfortingly stodgy, thanks to a tattie-heavy breadcrumbed pattie served in a crusty bun with lettuce and a smear of mint yogurt dressing.
To go alongside this, weโd ordered Thrive fries (ยฃ4.50). Unfortunately, the Potato God had now also been angered, as these wedges were oily and wet, with that cloying bbq sauce spread across the top to obliterate the flavours of shredded jackfruit and melted vegan cheese.
In contrast, there wasnโt much sweetness when it came to pudding, which was served alongside our lingering main course plates.
The crรจme brรปlรฉe (ยฃ6.95) was made from coconut creme and dotted with squat raspberries, while their take on chocolate mousse (ยฃ6.95) featured an avocado cacao mixture with more coconut cream and a drift of crumbled hazelnut.
Fine, but there wasnโt much coming back from their earlier crimes.
It seems that itโs not just life thatโs like an avocado, this place can also be compared to one.
For one thing, unless they try much harder to preserve it, itโs liable to go off very quickly.
