The 95th Academy Awards take place on March 12 in Los Angeles from 8pm US time and are available to view from midnight on Sky Showcase in the UK. That is way past our school night bedtime, even if we are excited to see how Jimmy Kimmel fares as host, after last year’s Chris Rock and Will Smith debacle.
We’ll wait to discover who bags one of the statuettes, which we suspect are made from foil-wrapped chocolate. For now, let’s revisit the nominees and enjoy these popcorn-free snack pairings.
Note – contrary to popular belief, smuggling your own food into a cinema is allowed, but some of our suggestions are sloppily anti-social.
EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE
In this doolally film, which is shortlisted for Best Picture and stars Michelle Yeoh, the bagel is an leitmotif for life’s pointless-ness. Existentialism aside, this bread is always a practical cinema snack, since it’s so soft, even if the contents will occasionally erupt from the void. This film also features a scene where two characters, one of which is played by Jamie Lee Curtis, have hot-dogs for fingers. There’s your excuse, now head to the foyer and spend £34 on one.
THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN
Guinness and porridge. They’re not the most appealing film snacks to eat alongside this Best Picture nominee. Mind you, there is a scene where a donkey eats someone’s finger. Perhaps that’s the prompt to finish off a whole pack of the chocolate biscuit ones? Since the film is set in Ireland, we’d also suggest a pack of cheese and onion Taytos. We bet Brendan Gleeson often has crumbs caught in his beard. We know we do.
MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON
Shortlisted for Best Animation, this cutesy film is an excuse to eat mussels or conchiglie pasta, though Skips might be easier. These crisps may look a bit like flowers, but they were created to resemble shells, to match the prawn flavour. Just stick googly eyes on them.
AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER
Take all your day’s meals and a flask, as the James Cameron epic and Best Picture nominee is three hours and 12 minutes long.
THE WHALE
The foodiest of all the films, for all the wrong reasons. It hasn’t had a Best Picture nomination, but Brendan Fraser is on the Best Actor shortlist. We don’t think Darren Aronofsky, who directed Black Swan, intended the audience reaction to the main character gorging on pepperoni pizza and fried chicken would be hunger. However, we humbly accept our weakness and would like to thank mum, dad, God and the teacher who always believed in us.
ELVIS
This Baz Luhrmann biopic doesn’t explore The Pelvis’ relationship with grub, but everyone knows about his lardy cravings. Squirrels, even cooked ones, are notoriously tricky to sneak into cinemas, even if they are screening Alvin and the Chipmunks. Instead, take Elvis’ favourite Fool’s Gold Loaf, which consists of a white loaf stuffed with peanut butter, jam and bacon.
TOP GUN: MAVERICK
Let’s go for Jelly Babies, to represent Tom Cruise’s diminutive stature. Please don’t eat me, says Pete, but we do it anyway.
